Welcome to Savannah St. Patricks Day 2014.com!
After years and years of the city of Savannah’s laughable attempts to do anything that might be considered, I don’t know how about: “decent”, in regards to anything related to St. Patricks, once again, private enterprise must step in and fill the void.
And by void, we mean the empty space in your stomach designed to be filled with beer/other adult beverage of your choice. So let’s get down to business about what’s going to be here:
1. The site will be up on St. Patricks Day. And before. And after. The “other sites” every year go down. This won’t happen. This site is backed by a large professional web design firm used to dealing with national brand names you know, and their sites never go down. We’ll be using the same enterprise-grade infrastructure here.
2. We’re going to be mobile friendly. We know most of you aren’t locals, and just want the information and you’re lost as hell and just want a beer but can’t find the bar as you’re walking around. We get it, we’ve been there before. We’ll be super mobile-friendly and your BAC level will thank you for it as you’ll finally be able to find those bars!
3. We’ll tell you the information you actually need. All these other sites are run by cities/committees/corporate tossers. We shotgun our beer just like you do. Did you know that currently nobody has a comprehensive list of bars? And this is a f’ing drinking holiday? This injustice shall not stand. It’ll take us some time, but we’ll get all the bars in the downtown area where you’ll be up so you can see your options.
4. HOLY S&^* is that a search engine on this site!?!? We told you we were doin’ this right! No more bush-league crap man, we know you’ll be half-drunk most of the time you’ll be using this site, so we want to make it super easy for ya pal. And speaking of being half-drunk….
5. Drunk Mode. We all know that most likely at some point (or most of the time) during the this event your gonna be sloshed and need answers to burning questions like: “Is that dude over there looking at my girl? Should I go over and rearrange his face?”. While you’re at your worst, we’ll be here to assist you through this trying time. Big friendly buttons for your sloppy drunk self to press, we’ll be your digital Jiminy Cricket steering you right.
6. How about saving some f’ing money? During St. Patty’s it feels like 90% of all the green in Savannah goes into the businesses wallets and none for you (how about $6 for that PBR good Sir?). We’re going to show you (as locals ourselves) where the best deals are.
7. Where to park. There are entirely too many people driving around on the evening after the parade is over laughably thinking they’re going to get parking on Johnson Square (central square) or City Market. We’ll show you where the parking is, and where to avoid wasting your drinking time circling the squares over and over like a carriage horse. You’ve not a carriage horse are you? Apologies to all carriage horses reading this site, it’s not personal. In fact, if you’re a carriage horse reading this site you’re f’ing amazing and we’d totally have a beer with you some day. Hit us up. F’ yeah!
8. Find somewhere decent to sleep. While sleeping face-down in a gutter in your own vomit IS an option, we think we can give you some pointers so you can have a bit of an upgrade in terms of where you sleep. But hey, if the gutter works for you, we’re not gonna judge!
That’s just to start. We’re just a bunch of guys and gals sick and tired of nobody else getting their act together, cutting down on the fun factor for everyone who’s here to have a good time. Let’s do it right this year!
- The SSP2014 Team